Category Archives: Heartwarming Shit

Labrador Runs for Mayor – I’ve Seen It All Now…

I’m sure you’re reading the headline and asking yourself, “WTF? THIS is news?”

Hey – what can I say? It’s a really slow news day and I just want to take a shower and crash in front of the boob tube for awhile.

Yahoo News reports that one of the candidates in the race to become Fairhope, Alabama’s next mayor is none other than Willie Bean Roscoe P. Coltrane, a 7-year-old yellow Labrador retriever. His owner, Tress Turner, decided to take a satirical poke at politics by launching the slobbering canine into the race.

“When a little dog barks at him, he cringes and he runs away,” owner Tress Turner told the Press-Register in a story Sunday.

Is it just me, or does it sound like ole Willie boy shares the same trait as a certain (cough) current (cough) president?

From Yahoo News

From Yahoo News

Yahoo News also reports that Willie Bean doesn’t have a realistic shot at being Fairhope’s next mayor since the July 15th qualifying deadline has passed.

Um, even if Willie Bean DID make the July 15th deadline, he wouldn’t have a realistic shot at being the next mayor simply because he ENJOYS LICKING HIS BALLS WAY TOO MUCH AND CRAPS ON THE RUG! Although, that’s not to say that none of Fairhope’s previous mayors weren’t guilty of the same offenses. BOO-YAH! Oh yeah – up high!

However, it may not be too late for Willie Bean to join the Presidential race. I hear they welcome that kind of racy behavior in the White House.

Oh the things Willie Bean could do to a cigar…


Pet Rabbit Saves Couple from Fire

Every now and then, I’ll post some heartwarming shit I read in the headlines. This one on Yahoo News caught my attention:

“Pet Rabbit Credited with Saving Couple from Fire”

Oh, please do tell me more…

This miracle of all miracles happened in Melbourne, Australia, and it seems that ‘ole Bugsy Boy started scratching at his owners’ bedroom door about a half-hour after the daddy came home from work. The daddy woke and discovered a fire in a back room and smoke spreading quickly in the house.

Wow – I had a rabbit and all he did was shit throughout the house and occasionally humped the cat…

Anyway, the AP reported that the daddy was able to escape the house with his wife unharmed (whew! – I was hanging by the seat of my pants with the suspense).

What the AP didn’t report is that the lucky couple dined on wine and hassenpfeffer that evening.

Ba-doomp-boomp! I’m available all week, ladies and gents…