Category Archives: Movie/Boob Tube Shit

Angelina Jolie To Replace Tom Cruise In Upcoming Movie

Ha Ha. I LOVE reading negative stuff about Tom Cruise these days. LOVE IT!

I really used to enjoy watching him in movies – I always thought he was a fine actor and was quite talented. That is, until the now infamous “couch-jumping” scene on Oprah a few years ago.

Dude, seriously – you should have reigned it in. That shit was just WAAAAYYY over the top for a lot of people. I mean really, what man has ever done anything remotely similar to what you did for some chick? I’ll save you the trouble of thinking about that one: NONE!

Now, I just stay away from watching any of his films as I just can’t take him seriously anymore – onscreen or off. And don’t even get me started on his Scientology crap. Nice career move, Tom. Oy vey – what a gigantic douchebag.

So I was quite delighted to read an article on today that Angelina Jolie (who has the power to turn many straight women into lesbians – myself included) is replacing old “Scientology is the Shit” Tom Cruise in the upcoming thriller, Edwin A. Salt.

Shown on

Shown on

Apparently, the screenplay is currently being redrafted to reflect the gender change. The plot revolves around a CIA officer (Edwin A. Salt) who is thought to be a Russian spy and must escape being captured while proving that someone else is the traitor. I guess it’s safe to say that Edwin may now be known as Edwina…

It’s been rumored that the reason behind the studio’s sudden change in plan is threefold:

1. Angelina is much better looking and will draw a bigger male crowd;

2. Angelina isn’t known to be a diva on set;

3. Angelina doesn’t have to wear “big boy” shoe lifts.

Well, those are all legitimate reasons in my book.

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Batman Likes It On Top

Unless you’ve been taking residence with a family of stinky yetis in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains for the past month, you should know all about the blockbuster hit of the summer, The Dark Knight, by now.

This movie just continues to kick serious ass week after week at the box office, no matter what movie tries to defeat its perilous reign:

Step Brothers …… check

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor …… check

Pineapple Express …… check

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 …… um, double check

And if you haven’t seen it yet, shower that yeti stank off because you really DO NEED to go see this movie in a theater setting (IMAX is even better) – it truly is an experience you’ll never forget.

It’s kinda like having sex while eating a heaping tub of buttery, artery-clogging popcorn and washing it down with an over-priced, over-sized cup of Pepsi .

Yeah, it’s just that good. Why do you think I’m going back for thirds this week?

“Cursed” Morgan Freeman Recovering from Serious Car Accident

As many of you may know by now, I have a slight obsession deep respect for Christian Bale who is currently starring in The Dark Knight.

So yesterday, I was really sad when I read that Morgan Freeman was involved in a very serious car accident in Mississippi. I believe he’s one of the finest actors around and I loved him in all the movies I’ve seen him in.

The National Enquirer reports that Freeman was driving his lady friend’s 1997 Nissan Maxima late at night when it left the road and flipped several times. Thankfully, both Freeman and his friend were wearing their seat belts however, the car’s airbags didn’t deploy.

Hmmm. Probably because the damned car is so old. Have you ever seen a balloon when it gets really old? It gets crusty. Do you really want to rely on THAT to save your life in the event of an accident? Not me.

Shown on

Shown on

Anyway, now all the conspiracy theory numb nuts out there are blaming Freeman’s accident on the curse of The Dark Knight. And in response to that nonsense I scream, “GET A FRIGGIN’ LIFE, LOSERS!”

Sure, a crew member died while filming The Dark Knight when his truck, which was following a stunt vehicle, crashed into a tree. Blame it on bad timing.

Sure, Heath Ledger died back in January from a lethal concoction of sleeping pills and anti-anxiety medications. Blame it on bad luck.

And sure, Christian Bale recently encountered his own problems regarding his money-grubbing sister and mum which resulted in assault charges. Blame that circus on bad family genes.

But tell me, Oh Wise Ones, where in sweet hell have you ever heard of a curse generating almost $400 Million in 17 days?

I don’t know about you guys, but I want to be afflicted with THAT kind of curse.

Holy Bat Crap! Johnny Depp is Slated to Be in Next Batman Movie

I’m a HUGE Batman fan (I’m watching Batman Begins for the 50th time as I’m writing this) and I’ve already seen The Dark Knight twice and plan on seeing it again in the next week or so. Yes – I realize I’m a huge nerd. And yes – I am seeking professional help for my little “issue.”

Anyway, I previously mentioned that I thought Johnny Depp would be great to play The Joker in the event Chris Nolan needed an actor to pull the feat off (for a short scene or whatever).

So I was pleasantly surprised to read today’s headlines about Johnny Depp being rumored to play The Riddler in the 3rd installment of Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy. reports that not only is Depp rumored to play The Riddler, but Philip Seymour Hoffman may play The Penguin. Wow – what a great cast that would be!

“(Producers) are convinced that the role of the Riddler is perfect for Depp,” a source revealed the rumor to Enquirer. “Johnny’s a pro. He’ll be able to take direction from director Chris Nolan and still make the character his own. And what better Penguin is there than Philip Seymour Hoffman.”

Shown on

Shown on

I have to admit that I’m a little skeptical about this rumor turning into reality only because I’m not sure if anyone will be able to top Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker in The Dark Knight. Unless, of course, these two extremely talented actors will be able to bring different dimensions to these dark characters and play them the way they were meant to be played (sorry, Tim Burton).

Well, I better start setting my Google Alerts now…

Crap! There’s that nerdiness thing rearing its ugly head again. Back to therapy tomorrow.

Which Batman movie is YOUR favorite? What villain(s) do you think should be in Chris Nolan’s next Batman movie?

‘The Dark Knight’ Continues to Slaughter Box Office Records

Well, The Dark Knight continues to obliterate box office records by raking in another $75.6 million this weekend. In a mere 10 days, it has amassed $314 million in sales making it the film that earned over $300M the fastest! The previous record holder was Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, which completed that feat in 16 days. Take that, Capt. Jack Sparrow!

If you were paying attention, you may recall that I DID predict that the movie would make over $250M in U.S. sales for the opening week. Not too shabby for an amateur, huh? I’m thinking of buying a crystal ball and setting up a 1-900 number…

I saw TDK for the second time this weekend with my hubby and I have to say, I loved it even more this time around (since I was actually paying attention to the dialog and not trying to identify the filming locations). However, I do admit that I loved watching it at the Chicago IMAX theater the first time much better.

Now don’t get me wrong; it was great on the regular screen, but it just didn’t have the same WOW! factor the IMAX screen possessed. Maybe it was because Christian Bale’s gorgeous face was 3 stories high at the IMAX? Nah, that couldn’t be it. 😉

If for nothing else, The Dark Knight is worth seeing just for the now-famous truck-flipping scene on LaSalle Street. Holy shit, was that amazing or what?! I knew it was coming the second time I saw TDK and I was STILL in awe of that scene. However, I do digress. It was soooo much better watching that scene on the IMAX screen. But, my proverbial hat is still off to Director Christopher Nolan and the DP, Wally Pfister. Well done, boys!

It will be interesting to see if Nolan chooses to do a 3rd movie (he better!) and if there will be any mention of The Joker at all. If you saw the movie, you know that Batman left The Joker hanging (literally) from a skyscraper and then the cops were coming up to get him. So you know that Nolan was setting it up for a 3rd film. Of course, however, he had no idea at that time that sadly, Ledger would not be back for a third movie.

I was thinking, though, that if any other actor would be able to pull off The Joker, I believe that Johnny Depp could do it. He’s one of those weird guys (like Bale & Ledger) that completely immerses himself into his roles, and he’s just such a brilliant actor.

What do you think? Do you think Johnny could pull it off?