Category Archives: Stupid Shit

And You Thought Tropical Storms Weren’t Dangerous…

For those of you who don’t have the pleasure of living in the South and experiencing Mother Nature’s fury from June through October every year, tropical storms can be dangerous.

And not dangerous in the way of the excessive 60+ MPH winds or the threat of storm surge and potential flooding. Nope.

Dangerous in the way that idiots think it’s a great time to go out surfing or to just enjoy what the beach has to offer during such miserable weather. THAT kind of dangerous.

Take for instance, 28 year-old Kevin “I’m a F*ckin’ Dumbass” Kearney of Fort Lauderdale, Florida (yup, another Floridian idiot) who thought it would be a fantastic time to go kiteboarding.

God – why didn’t I think of that? Instead, I spent time bringing in patio furniture, securing all loose outdoor objects and stocking up on water and non-perishable food. Shit – I should have hit hit the beaches with my kiteboard instead!

Well, if you haven’t seen the video yet, be warned. It’s pretty violent and will make you grimace with imaginary pain.

So if you ever find yourself in Florida during a tropical storm (or a hurricane – they’re even more fun if you’re a total F*cking moron), you now know what you can do to pass the time.

Bookmark and Share

Advertisements

British Boy Lights His Farts and Himself on Fire – Bravo!

Have I told you lately how much I love the British? Ah yes, I believe I did in last Friday’s post. They just never seem to disappoint me, especially during a severely dull news week.

So once again, another brave and selfless Brit stood up to represent the U-K in order to entertain the worldwide masses. Well done, lad. Well done!

According to APP.com, a wise-beyond-his-years (and unnamed) 12 year-old boy decided that it would be fun to light his own farts with a lighter. Good times!

I have been witness to just such a momentous occasion, and I can attest that while stinky, it is quite an entertaining event!

My ex-brother-in-law used to wow us with his fart-lighting talents back in the early ’90’s. He’d come home from work wearing his nice dress shirt and dress pants, sit back on his recliner, and proceed to stick both legs up in the air. Meanwhile, he’d be holding his trusty Zippo lighter right by his ass and then…..PPPFFFTTT – methane fireworks! Boy – those were the days….

Now this can be quite a fun activity to watch and/or participate in and is normally harmless (maybe a few singed pants or so). However, our little British Boy Wonder (yeah, wonder what the F*ck he was thinking) decided he needed to have a GAS CAN behind him while taking part of a fart-lighting competition in his backyard.

He lit his fart on fire and that caused the gas can to flash. The Genius burned about 18% of his legs. Ouch!

Ah, the British never disappoint me…

Bookmark and Share

Gay College Wrestlers? Now THERE’S a Stretch

Even though I generally love sports, I’ve never quite understood wrestling. There’s something so, oh I don’t know, homoerotic about it.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

Alleged straight men electing to wear femme leotards, willingly rolling around the floor with strange men in suggestive poses, sometimes putting their heads near their opponents’ balls and/or asses. Gay? Naaaah. Now what made me ever think of THAT?

So ABCnews.com had an interesting little article on their site today. Apparently, two gifted college wrestlers were kicked off Nebraska’s elite wrestling team after nude photos of them appeared on a gay porn Web site.

Too bad – these guys are actually kinda cute. Well, at least the dude on the left is. The one on the right kinda looks like someone took Matt Damon’s face and stretched it out like it was Silly Putty.

According to ABCnews.com, Paul Donahoe and Kenny Jordan, who both wrestled for the Cornhuskers, received undisclosed compensations from the site Fratmentv.com for pictures that showed each of the athletes naked and in various states of sexual arousal.

Shown on ABCnews.com

Shown on ABCnews.com, Paul Donahoe, left, Kenny Jordan, right

John Marsh, owner of Fratmentv.com, told ABCnews.com that the photos have since been pulled from the site. Bummer.

“Virtually all of the guys we shoot are straight, including Mr. Donahoe and Mr. Jordan,” Marsh said. “The reason they call it gay porn is because the primary audience is gay men.”

Sure.

And I’m confident that if I went out and interviewed 10 straight men right now, most of them wouldn’t mind knowing that some horny dude is going to be doing the 5-knuckle shuffle on his Trouser Trout after seeing them featured in the latest gay nudie mag.

Yeah. Right.

Well then, Mr. Marsh. Grab your magic lamp, hop on your favorite unicorn and call me from a banana because I’ve got a beautiful piece of land to sell you in the Everglades.

Bookmark and Share

Oh Where Oh Where Has My 15-Ton Crane Gone?

I just thought I’d give y’all a taste of the “news” that we are subjected to on a daily basis down here in hotter-than-friggin-hell Southwest Florida.

According to the Naples Daily News (or the Naples Daily Mullet-wrapper as locals like to call this crappy newspaper), somebody stole a 15-ton crane from a construction site the other day and so far, has gotten away with it.

The Naples Daily News reports:

“How it happened is probably not the only question on the minds of authorities and the crane’s owner. For instance, they also must be wondering how the thief or thieves are able to hide the 20-foot flatbed vehicle, which sports a 60-foot boom crane when fully extended.”

Okay, folks. We’re not talking about a little Fiat on a tow truck flatbed. This is a friggin’ HA-UUUUGE piece of machinery and NO ONE SAW IT?!!!!

No one noticed a new addition to Billy Bob’s junk metal collection in his backyard full of old, rusty cars and pet goats? And if someone DID happen to see it in his backyard, why wasn’t that person the least bit suspicious when Billy Bob claimed that “it was a gift”?

Well, then. My suggestion would be to call President Bush since he had such great luck in finding the “weapons of mass destruction” a few years ago and should be able to find the 15-ton crane in some redneck’s rural scrap metal haven (commonly referred to as a backyard) with no problem.

Oh wait a minute… I forgot. Bush DIDN’T find the WOMD’s! Oops, my bad. Sorry guys, you’re shit outta luck.

Bookmark and Share

Burger King – It’s Not Just for Burgers Anymore

Honestly, I’ve never been a fan of Burger King’s food with the exception of some of their breakfast items, namely their little hash browns. Actually, I’m not much of a fast-food eater anyway. And I thank the Good Lord for that after reading this article on MSNBC.com.

Employee, Timothy Tackett, 25, of Ohio, thought that it would be great fun to celebrate his birthday by taking a soapy bath in a utility sink in one of Burger King’s restaurants. So much fun, in fact, that he wanted to share the fun with the entire video-watching universe by posting the video (yes, he documented his birthday celebration) on his MySpace page. Genius!

And apparently, Timothy’s co-worker (who remains an unnamed idiot) decided to join in Timothy’s birthday fun and declared himself Videographer Extraordinaire and documented Timothy’s naked, soapy fun fest. But don’t try to find Tim’s video on MySpace – it was taken down last night. Party poopers!

According to MSNBC.com, Tackett said he regretted taking the bath because it led to the firing of the employee who did the recording, as well as the restaurant’s shift manager.

Gee, never mind the fact that you made a complete naked, soapy ass of yourself and ruined any chance you ever had for a professional career someday. Happy Birthday, Tim!

Bookmark and Share

Shitty in Pink

Ramblings of a chick with no fuckin' filter.