Most States Don’t Accept Gays- But Hallmark Does, Dammit!

I love The Gays. I really really really do. I used to like watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and I look forward to watching them on Shear Genius and Project Runway every week. And I loves me some Perez Hilton!

I love them SO much I even asked my husband for a gay man wearing a giant, red bow as my Christmas present last year. And I’m not kidding – go ahead and ask him!

Unfortunately, there are so many people in this world who don’t love and appreciate The Gays as much as I do. It’s really a shame that in this day and age, there is still so much intolerance toward certain groups of people. Everyone needs love, people!!! Ooof! That was a rough drop from my high horse just now…

But according to an article on Yahoo News, there may be some hope on the horizon.

Hallmark recently rolled out a line of same-sex wedding cards. They added the cards after California joined Massachusetts as the only U.S. states with legal gay marriage. Wow! Talk about progressive! Way to go, Hallmark!

Shown on Yahoo News

Shown on Yahoo News

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British Boy Lights His Farts and Himself on Fire – Bravo!

Have I told you lately how much I love the British? Ah yes, I believe I did in last Friday’s post. They just never seem to disappoint me, especially during a severely dull news week.

So once again, another brave and selfless Brit stood up to represent the U-K in order to entertain the worldwide masses. Well done, lad. Well done!

According to APP.com, a wise-beyond-his-years (and unnamed) 12 year-old boy decided that it would be fun to light his own farts with a lighter. Good times!

I have been witness to just such a momentous occasion, and I can attest that while stinky, it is quite an entertaining event!

My ex-brother-in-law used to wow us with his fart-lighting talents back in the early ’90’s. He’d come home from work wearing his nice dress shirt and dress pants, sit back on his recliner, and proceed to stick both legs up in the air. Meanwhile, he’d be holding his trusty Zippo lighter right by his ass and then…..PPPFFFTTT – methane fireworks! Boy – those were the days….

Now this can be quite a fun activity to watch and/or participate in and is normally harmless (maybe a few singed pants or so). However, our little British Boy Wonder (yeah, wonder what the F*ck he was thinking) decided he needed to have a GAS CAN behind him while taking part of a fart-lighting competition in his backyard.

He lit his fart on fire and that caused the gas can to flash. The Genius burned about 18% of his legs. Ouch!

Ah, the British never disappoint me…

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Gwen Stefani Gives Birth to Son with a F*cked Up Name

Well kiddies, let me first say that I’m sorry to be away for so long.

Honestly, there hasn’t been shit in the headlines lately (at least nothing I can make fun of) and I had to hunker down for Tropical Storm Fay which turned out to be a bigger stinker than Tom Cruise’s last “masterpiece”, Lions for Lambs.

After what seems like years that Gwen Stefani has been with child, she finally pushed out another kid. And his name is… are you ready for this shit?

Zuma Nesta Rock

The first thought that popped in my head is, What the f*ck? Did I read that right?

So I want to know: was this tragedy of a name due to Gwen getting drugs before having her C-section?

Was Gavin smoking a little somethin’ somethin’ on his way to the hospital?

Please, would somebody explain to me why in the hell 2 grown adults would choose such a shitty name for their second born child?

Oy vey is all I can say on this one. Oy friggin’ vey.

The Proud Parents Who Gave their Son a Fucked Up Name

The Proud Parents Who Gave Their Son a Forever F*cked Up Name

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Disney Characters Going to the Big House

I’m sure that from a child’s point of view, this story may actually be quite traumatizing instead of f*cking hysterical. But I’m NOT a child, so suck it!

Apparently, Cinderella, Snow White, Tinkerbell, Peter Pan and other Disneyland favorites were frisked, handcuffed and loaded into police vans at The Happiest Place on Earth yesterday. And they went straight to jail. Not Disney jail, but J-A-I-L. You know, The Hoosegow, The Pokey, The Slammer, The Joint, The Cooler, The Clink? Yeah – THAT jail.

According to MSNBC.com, the arrest of the 32 protesters dressed in Disney costumes (I think Walt just rolled over in his grave) came at the end of an hour-long march to Disneyland’s gates from one of three Disney-owned hotels at the center of a labor dispute. The protesters were arrested on misdemeanor counts of failure to obey a police officer and two traffic infractions.

Oooh, hardcore offenders. I love it!

MSNBC.com also reports that the hotel workers’ contract expired in February and their union says Disney’s latest proposal makes health care unaffordable for hundreds of employees and creates an unfair two-tier wage system. The union also says Disney wants to create a new category of part-time employees who would receive greatly reduced benefits.

Oooh, a Disney scandal. I love it!

Associated Press

Associated Press

Associated Press

Associated Press

So all I can think about right now is how much I would have LOVED to be have been standing outside of Disneyland next to some stoner dude who thought he was trippin’ as these Disney characters were being loaded into the police vans. Now THAT would be some really funny shit.

I think the conversation would go a little something like this:

STONER: (in a Jeff Spicoli-like voice)

“Duuuude. What’s goin’ on here? I’ve never seen mice soooo big.”

ME: “Well, it looks like Minnie Mouse was a baaaad girl. Mickey caught her f*ckin’ Goofy and went ape shit on her ass.”

STONER: “Woooaaah, dude. That’s some serious shit. What about Snow White?”

ME: “Apparently, Ms. White is not as pure as the driven snow and was caught running a brothel in Sleeping Beauty’s Castle. I guess that’s why the 7 Dwarfs keep following that bitch around.”

STONER: “That’s some heavy shit, man. What about the gnarly dude in the green tights?”

ME: “Oh, Peter Pan? Dude – that wasn’t fairy dust he was sharing with Tinkerbell all these years. Oh no – they were running a crack house over in Fantasyland.”

STONER: “Duuuuude. I LOOOOVE Disneyland!”

ME: “Yup, me too. Good, wholesome, family fun. Bring all your kids.”

And in related news, Bugs Bunny dropped an anvil on Yosemite Sam’s head for calling him a “varmint” for over 50 years.

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Gay College Wrestlers? Now THERE’S a Stretch

Even though I generally love sports, I’ve never quite understood wrestling. There’s something so, oh I don’t know, homoerotic about it.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

Alleged straight men electing to wear femme leotards, willingly rolling around the floor with strange men in suggestive poses, sometimes putting their heads near their opponents’ balls and/or asses. Gay? Naaaah. Now what made me ever think of THAT?

So ABCnews.com had an interesting little article on their site today. Apparently, two gifted college wrestlers were kicked off Nebraska’s elite wrestling team after nude photos of them appeared on a gay porn Web site.

Too bad – these guys are actually kinda cute. Well, at least the dude on the left is. The one on the right kinda looks like someone took Matt Damon’s face and stretched it out like it was Silly Putty.

According to ABCnews.com, Paul Donahoe and Kenny Jordan, who both wrestled for the Cornhuskers, received undisclosed compensations from the site Fratmentv.com for pictures that showed each of the athletes naked and in various states of sexual arousal.

Shown on ABCnews.com

Shown on ABCnews.com, Paul Donahoe, left, Kenny Jordan, right

John Marsh, owner of Fratmentv.com, told ABCnews.com that the photos have since been pulled from the site. Bummer.

“Virtually all of the guys we shoot are straight, including Mr. Donahoe and Mr. Jordan,” Marsh said. “The reason they call it gay porn is because the primary audience is gay men.”

Sure.

And I’m confident that if I went out and interviewed 10 straight men right now, most of them wouldn’t mind knowing that some horny dude is going to be doing the 5-knuckle shuffle on his Trouser Trout after seeing them featured in the latest gay nudie mag.

Yeah. Right.

Well then, Mr. Marsh. Grab your magic lamp, hop on your favorite unicorn and call me from a banana because I’ve got a beautiful piece of land to sell you in the Everglades.

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Shitty in Pink

Ramblings of a chick with no fuckin' filter.