Disney Characters Going to the Big House

I’m sure that from a child’s point of view, this story may actually be quite traumatizing instead of f*cking hysterical. But I’m NOT a child, so suck it!

Apparently, Cinderella, Snow White, Tinkerbell, Peter Pan and other Disneyland favorites were frisked, handcuffed and loaded into police vans at The Happiest Place on Earth yesterday. And they went straight to jail. Not Disney jail, but J-A-I-L. You know, The Hoosegow, The Pokey, The Slammer, The Joint, The Cooler, The Clink? Yeah – THAT jail.

According to MSNBC.com, the arrest of the 32 protesters dressed in Disney costumes (I think Walt just rolled over in his grave) came at the end of an hour-long march to Disneyland’s gates from one of three Disney-owned hotels at the center of a labor dispute. The protesters were arrested on misdemeanor counts of failure to obey a police officer and two traffic infractions.

Oooh, hardcore offenders. I love it!

MSNBC.com also reports that the hotel workers’ contract expired in February and their union says Disney’s latest proposal makes health care unaffordable for hundreds of employees and creates an unfair two-tier wage system. The union also says Disney wants to create a new category of part-time employees who would receive greatly reduced benefits.

Oooh, a Disney scandal. I love it!

Associated Press

Associated Press

So all I can think about right now is how much I would have LOVED to be have been standing outside of Disneyland next to some stoner dude who thought he was trippin’ as these Disney characters were being loaded into the police vans. Now THAT would be some really funny shit.

I think the conversation would go a little something like this:

STONER: (in a Jeff Spicoli-like voice)

“Duuuude. What’s goin’ on here? I’ve never seen mice soooo big.”

ME: “Well, it looks like Minnie Mouse was a baaaad girl. Mickey caught her f*ckin’ Goofy and went ape shit on her ass.”

STONER: “Woooaaah, dude. That’s some serious shit. What about Snow White?”

ME: “Apparently, Ms. White is not as pure as the driven snow and was caught running a brothel in Sleeping Beauty’s Castle. I guess that’s why the 7 Dwarfs keep following that bitch around.”

STONER: “That’s some heavy shit, man. What about the gnarly dude in the green tights?”

ME: “Oh, Peter Pan? Dude – that wasn’t fairy dust he was sharing with Tinkerbell all these years. Oh no – they were running a crack house over in Fantasyland.”

STONER: “Duuuuude. I LOOOOVE Disneyland!”

ME: “Yup, me too. Good, wholesome, family fun. Bring all your kids.”

And in related news, Bugs Bunny dropped an anvil on Yosemite Sam’s head for calling him a “varmint” for over 50 years.